Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Opening credits

I don't care what anybody says; single-hood is a waiting game.  Please explain to me how a 45 year old relatively attractive woman is still single? I'm utterly confused. Lost, even. Let me describe myself first.

I am a 45 year old Black female with dreadlocks halfway down my back. I'm 5'4", 125 lbs (varies slightly), 34 B (despite my best efforts), intelligent, with a wicked sense of humor. My best features, or so I've been told, are my mind and my ass, not always in that order. I think I'll be buried in either jeans or pajamas. A running joke with my friends is that if I ever get married, it will be in the nude. I'm not particularly religious, but I believe in a higher power and I lean toward Taoism. I love all things Hello Kitty and fairy art (particularly Amy Brown).  I'm a huge reader~ gravitating toward fantasy, sci-fi, and horror. Crafting and photography bring me peace of mind when everything around me has gone to hell. I'm not a party girl, but I love a good time.

Somewhere along the way, I lost the urge to get married. Relationships sound like a good thing, but I don't have enough experience to know. Can't blame that on my parents, they've been married for 47 years. Most of my friends are married. I have had two near misses; once with a guy that cheated on me and got kicked to the curb, and the other... a somewhat suspect arrangement that would have paid well, but MAY have been a shade illegal.  So.... no luck there.

But, I'm not concerned with marriage; I concerned with getting a date on a Friday night. That rarely happens. Why? is the question behind this blog.  I've never been the tight, mini skirt wearing kind of girl. I didn't start wearing make-up until last year.  I don't have boobs that need their own zip code. It's just me.  Sometimes I think I try to hard, sometimes, not enough.  I'm going to say something that may massively piss off anyone who ever reads this, but Black men do nothing for me.  Not the least bit interested.  There are plenty of attractive ones, but they don't look at me, I don't worry about them.  Any other race, is fair game.  I've 'gone out' with plenty of White men, a few Latinos, an Asian and a Middle-Eastern guy. I say 'gone out', because odds are, we don't really go anywhere.  Sex is probably involved. Everybody has fun, but it's off to the next one.  If it's too long in between, married guys are an easy mark. And amazingly, they come back for more.  They're more often second 'dates'.

I never intended to go looking for married men. Single guys are definitely preferable.  But married guys don't take as much work. Give them a little attention and they'll do practically anything for you.  The sharing part is what gets me. You can pretend all you want, but the wife/girlfriend ain't going anywhere.  And if she finds out.... bad, bad, bad.

So...what to do? What do I have to do to fix things? What have I been doing wrong all this time?  Is there a way to repair the damage to my self-esteem? I think there is. But I haven't found it yet.


  1. Well written. I don't think dating married men is a good idea, simply because you keep postponing the inevitable conclusion: they're simply NOT available! However, I understand the need to connect with Somebody! How does that song go - "If you can't love somebody, love the one you're with!" Its human nature to try to make due with whatever you get in life, but you have to sit down and really examine your choices. Making good choices is the essence of success. There is nothing wrong with you, so if you live near a bunch of crabby men who won't take the time to ask you out, its THEIR LOSS. Thats why I believe in giving internet dating a try. I'm not professing that internet dating has been my best friend though, but it does help! Just go about it very carefully - don't put all your eggs in one basket. Get to know several candidates at a time, and never meet one in person unless you feel completely comfortable. And my other rule is, let him drive down to see you! Not the other way around. I am a big believer in chivalry - and being a single female on the road driving to some remote destination is just plain stupid. And last, don't stop believing that you are a beautiful woman who DESERVES attention. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

  2. Making good choices is the essence of success and I am looking forward to seeing where your blog takes you. :-)

  3. I second Carla: "There is nothing wrong with you."